Sexual Self Care
We all understand basic self-care, right? Meeting our basic daily needs, plus some.
Maybe a good workout, relaxing and reading a book, getting a good mani/pedi,
enjoying a nice bath. Just to name a few simple self-care activities. We as therapists
push self-care like drinking water, you need to do good things for yourself in order to
live a happy and healthy life!
But what about the sexual part of self-care? We don’t often hear a lot of talk about
sex, and much less how to care for ourselves in a sexual nature. Some would think of
cranking up some Marvin Gaye, lighting candles, and getting in a steaming hot
bath...with or without a partner. Some would think just of simple masturbation. If
either is your go-to, then great, do your thing! But that’s not everyone cup of tea. So
what does sexual self-care actually look like?
In order to have a healthy sex life with a partner, you first need to be in tune with
your body; your likes AND your dislikes. Again, most would probably think
“masturbation”, and yes that’s part of it. Another part is being aware that we change.
Some of these changes include: medical issues, body changes, loss, stress, having
children, and everyday life events. So just as we change as a person with each
event, so can our sexual likes and dislikes. The key here is to consistently check in
with yourself, and yes I do mean masturbation here. Where do you love and hate to
be touched? What position is your favorite, and which would you rather stay away
from? Toys or no toys? It’s your job to explore and listen to your body in order to be
satisfied with yourself, and in order to have a satisfying sex life with someone else.
Now on to trying new things. Recently, I tried out some of my own new sexual self-
care activities(I’m not writing porn here, just stick with me). I’m not one for stage
performance type things, but I ventured way outside of my comfort zone and tried
burlesque and pole dancing! The pole dancing wasn’t pretty (I guess not terrible for
my first time), but the two were so invigorating! I’m not one to hide my sexual nature,
but I can’t even express how incredibly freeing these experiences were for me!!! I
would definitely recommend this to anyone looking to get in a good workout, but also
looking to feel sexy and alive, and learn just what your body is capable of doing.
Understandably though, this is something that some would need to work up to. So
something a bit more tame might be a fun dance class or some relaxing yoga to get in
tune with your body. Whatever you choose, make it work for you!
For those of you just starting out with getting comfortable with your body and
sexuality, try something a bit more SIMPLE (just maybe not EASY). Being OKAY
with, and just maybe even being proud of your body. Just learn to sit with your beauty
and be okay with it. To do this, try something as basic as taking a bath (use bubbles
if it’s easier, but work up to using no bubbles at all!). Walk by that mirror and check
yourself out! Buy that dress/lingerie, or suit/underwear that makes you feel like a god
or goddess!! The most important thing here is that you’re doing it for you, hence the
term “sexual SELF-care”.
A little food for thought here: How much easier would it be to let someone else
love and appreciate your body if you were to love and appreciate it first? How much
easier would it be to allow someone in to explore your sexual being with you if you
can give them direction, because you’ve already been there?
Now make some “me time” and go enjoy your body!