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  • Writer's pictureShae Reid

The "S" Word - More than Just Sex Part 2

What’s the difference between a relationship partner and a roommate?  It’s not a riddle, but a serious question.  The answer is sex.  Sex is the difference between having a partner you share a relationship and life with, and having a roommate with whom you share a house and a refrigerator.  Is sex an important part of having a relationship with a significant other?  Again, a serious question, to which my answer is yes!  Sex is vital in a romantic relationship between partners.  

Sex is so much more than a physical act between two people.  It’s a special and individualized connection that those two people share.  One may have shared the act and connection with others previously, but never the same with one partner as another.  Besides the physical intimacy brought about by sex, other levels of intimacy are reached as well; one of which I find to be very important is communication.

So now you’re probably thinking “Well duh, I communicate everyday; we communicate everyday.”  I’m sure you speak to one another, but are you actually communicating anything worthwhile?  While communicating about day to day life is definitely important, it also gives the relationship that extra kick if you communicate about the intimate aspects of your lives together as well.

When we are in a committed and sexually intimate relationship, it is imperative that we talk; yes, even about sex.  It may seem awkward if one is not used to conversing about the topic, but what better way for your partner to know what you like (or don’t like) than to simply tell them?  And what about experimentation?  If you don’t communicate about the topic, how will you know if your partner is willing to try new things with you, or what their limits are for trial and error?

Ladies, how many of you have faked an orgasm before?  According to an ABC News study, an average of 48% of women have faked an orgasm; and that’s only the one’s who were honest about it!  So, why fake it when you can simply talk about how to make it better, and actually enjoy it?  If you fake getting pleasure, your partner will continue to think what they did was great, and that you loved it!  Therefore, your partner will continue to do the same things, while you continue to fake it; it’s a vicious cycle that no woman wants to get into.  I understand sometimes the absence of pleasure is physiological and/or medical, but I strongly believe talking about the issue is the first step.  

See where I’m going with this?  Communication is key!  Everyday communication, likes/dislikes, good and bad; whether it’s basic communication about the relationship, or about sex and intimacy, communication is very important to help the relationship stay healthy and continue to grow in a positive way.  

So what if it’s difficult for you as a couple to have this discussion?  What if you’re tired of having a mediocre sexual relationship, but can’t bring yourself to have “the talk” with your partner?  Well that’s where a sex therapist comes in and can assist in leading you into your new sex life!  A sex therapist can provide so much that the relationship may be lacking, and can assist you in finding what can help get that spark back.  But again, it all starts with communication!

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